Last Night I had a Dream
by EverHere
Summary: The Exile has a number of dreams about Atton Rand. LSF Exile


Author's Note: This story is meant to be a little more vague in its meaning, so I don't give any definite events that occur, although the third to last paragraph refers to an event earlier in the story of KOTOR 2. I appreciate constructive criticism, and I hope you enjoy the story!

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars or any of its characters.

Last Night I had a Dream

Last night I had a dream that you were somebody different than the person you had become on our travels. Your face was pale and twisted, your eyes were lifeless and empty, and yet you were filled with hatred and revenge. Your shoulders stooped, your stance heavy, as though you carried a galaxy's worth of burdens that only blood would relieve you of. When I walked the familiar pathways of the Ebon Hawk, I started when I saw you, as I turned the corner and found you there, staring at me. Everyone else was aboard, and they were all like you, so pale and empty. But the Historian was gone. And when I looked into your eyes, I knew, I _knew_ it was your doing. You never could stand him. It was me, I think. Jealousy of me. But nobody seems to care. It something that's accepted. When you have a problem, you're meant to take care of it. And nobody seems to care that you've changed either. That where you were once haunted by your past, it has once again become you. Last night I woke up screaming.

Last night I had a dream that you betrayed me. That you and the others thought I had kept you all in chains, that I had manipulated them. But I didn't mean to. I thought I was helping you. And the expressions on your faces: the hurt and disappointment on one, the frustration and resentment on another. And the anger that flashed upon your face, as you turned and walked away, hiding your face to me forever; watching your robes fly behind you as you strode away, the rush of air it created brushing against me. That moment etched itself in my mind, as I saw you turn your face away again, and again, and again, casting me off. I gently lifted up my head from where my form lied crippled on the ground, feeling the pain shooting through my body, and watched the long shadows upon the floor move farther away as all of you walk out and abandon me there. The last thing I see are your backs receding in the distance, becoming smaller and smaller, as I finally lay down my head out of exhaustion, resting it in a pool of my own blood. The darkness overwhelms me. Last night I woke up crying.

Last night I dreamt that you died in front of me. We were faced with many enemies, but this time I wasn't strong enough. I was strong enough to slaughter hundreds upon hundreds. To fight off my own past, to destroy the darkest and most powerful Sith Lords. But I wasn't strong enough to save you. And I fell to my knees, screaming at the sky, asking for answers that only the empty wind would reply to. As the last breath left you, and I realized I would forever be alone. You cannot be replaced, and without you I feel lost, empty. I no longer have any future to look forward to, not when you are not in it. Your face feels cold, your eyes stare blankly. The anguish rushes through me as the reality sets in. I see your dead face wherever I look, I try but there is nothing else for me to see. It's the first time in a long time that you've lost the game, except this time the stakes were too high. You were always following me, adoring me. Giving me everything you had, but I never had the time to tell you. This time your score exceeded the number. Last night I woke up and felt hollow inside.

Last night I had a dream that you never existed. That my vision had finally cleared to an empty medical room, only filled with the remains of dead bodies. That I realized I was stuck inside a killing machine, desperately beating my fists against the door, yet I only drew the attention of my enemies. I'm running out of time, and there's no one there to fall back on, no comfort to reside in. I come across the prisoner's cells, but there is nothing there, the energy fields are empty of any life. I already know I will not make it out alive, but yet I try anyway. They are coming for me, and I can sense it. Something is wrong, though. It wasn't meant to happen this way. The energy cells are empty and they are coming, they are closer. I pound my fists against the walls, I cry for help. But it is too late, their footsteps are echoing down the hall. I have come so far, and yet haven't moved at all. The cells are empty. The cells are empty and they are closer. They are coming, the cells are empty, I pound my fists against the wall, there is _nothing_ there_, the cells are empty, I pound my fists, I cry for help, the cells are empty—and now, now—_now they are night I woke up, last night I woke up and you were there.

Every night I wake up you are there. When I wake up, my eyes wide, a scream dying in my throat. When I wake up and I am choking on my own tears. When I wake up feeling hopeless and broken. You have always been there, and every time you remind me that you will _always_ be here. My dreams are where I am weak, where I can be defeated. When I wake up, you are waiting, and together we are strong. Together, we have faced our greatest failings and fears, as we will always face them together. You have always been made of loyalty and strength. I have learnt not to doubt you. You are _always_ there.

Last night I had a dream. And you were there.


End file.
